We asked our experts some tough bridal party questions, from what a junior bridesmaid dress should look like, to just how many bridesmaids you should have.
You can arrange your flowers and tailor your wedding dress, but you can't always control your bridal party so easily! The questions can be endless—do I need a maid of honor? Can my bridesmaids all wear different dresses? And what if my groom-to-be has two best men? Our wedding experts are here to help you solve some tricky bridal party problems.
My bridesmaid lost her job. What should I do?
The first thing to do if one of your bridesmaids can no longer afford her dress or other expenses is to talk things over before assuming anything. She may have other resources available to her, or she may have a solution she'd like to propose. You can also talk about other ways to economize that could make the expenses reasonable enough for her to handle, such as going with a less expensive dress. If she's out of options, you can certainly offer to cover her remaining costs. This is a generous and gracious way to handle the situation, if you have it within your means. When you initially invited her, it was because you are close to her and want her to share in your wedding day. On a whole, the costs to a bridesmaid (dress, alterations, shoes, and travel to the wedding) are miniscule compared to a wedding. This may be a small price to pay to keep her in the picture.
My fiancé has a daughter from a previous marriage. He wants her to be a flower girl, which is fine. But he keeps trying to make her the center of attention. Now he wants her to join us at the sweetheart table. I know we're a family, but am I wrong to want the spotlight for just us?
You have your vows, the first kiss and the first dance. So get over yourself! Your honey wants his child to feel comfortable and included—and you should, too. Now focus on the payoffs: Your man will love you all the more for going out of your way to make his daughter a major participant in your wedding; she will appreciate the extra attention and be more inclined to welcome you with open arms, and you won't look back on this day and think, "Why was I being such a pill?" Betsy Stone, Ph.D., a psychologist in private practice in Stamford, CT, agrees that your fiancé's daughter should have a prominent place at the wedding. "You're marrying a family," she says. "And you need to be especially supportive of this little girl's needs when it comes time for the wedding. Quite honestly, I can't think of a more appropriate place for her to sit than at the sweetheart table." While you're at it, include her as much as possible. She'll be so excited to share a special second dance with you two or to help cut the wedding cake that you'll realize that three isn't a crowd—it's the magic number.
Do I have to host a bridesmaids' luncheon?
In the midst of planning a rehearsal dinner, reception and possibly a next-day brunch, the thought of adding another party to your list can seem a little daunting. But it doesn't take much to throw this gig together. Start by asking your crew to save the date for a "bridesmaids appreciation day." Then, take your maids out for pizza and beer, and catch the latest chick flick together. Or, invite them over for dinner (or tasty takeout if cooking's not your thing), bust open a bottle of wine (or two!), bring out yearbooks and photo albums and spend the evening reminiscing.
You can also use this time to give your maids their attendants' gifts. One final note: This gathering should be wedding-activity free—meaning don't turn it into an assembly line for your wedding invitations or favors. The party's all about spending a little QT with your very best gals. If the whole thing still seems like more than you have the time and energy for, skip the get-together but do find some smaller way to show your 'maids your appreciation—a handwritten, heartfelt note and a small gift.
Instead of a maid of honor, I'm having a man of honor. Is he supposed to plan my shower?
We're assuming all of your attendants are running this part of the show. If so, yes, he should absolutely help plan and attend. (In these cases, the bridal party may opt to host a coed shower.) If he's accepted the man of honor role, he's probably expecting to participate, and if you've given him the leading wedding-party position, you should let him step up.
Do I have to ask my sister to be my maid of honor?
There is no rule saying you must ask your sister to be your matron of honor. Rather, you should ask the person you feel most deserves the role.
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